Heart of the Matter

I think I tend to hold off on updating this blog most often of all my blogs because I feel sometimes like I am just coming here to complain. But I don't want to sound like I am complaining. This is about stroke recovery. I have a wonderful life. Sure, there are things I would change if I could. I would love to be able to go back to work or at least make a living working at home. Unfortunately, my health has taken a toll on me in such a way that is just not going to happen any time soon.

I had a date in mind. On June 24 I was going to be allowed to drive again. You have to be six months seizure free before you are allowed to drive. In the state of Texas, physicians don't have to report patients to any authorities when they are experiencing seizures. However, if someone were to have an accident and it were to come out that they have a history of seizures, their license could be taken away permanently. So it's better to be safe than sorry. On April 8, my six months started all over again.

And that has been followed by two weeks of dizziness, nausea, weakness and sometimes periods of disorientation. So I have been a mess. To top it all off, about a month ago I began experiencing chest pain again. I went back in for a visit with my cardiologist. We bumped up the dosage of angina medication. But if in two weeks of taking it, it doesn't work I may have to go in for a heart catheter to look for any blockages or abnormalities that could be causing the pain. It has been one week and I have seen no change.

What bothers me the most about feeling so bad is that it cuts into the time spent with my kids. I had to quit walking them to and from school after one day when I barely it back home. That is valuable time I lost talking and playing with my children. Not to mention the fact I probably embarrassed the hell out them when I sat down on the sidewalk with my head on knees when I got so dizzy I was afraid I would collapse. I also lost several days not meeting my goal this month for my Writing 12 in 12 challenge. It's National Poetry Month and I was trying to write a poem a day, but I couldn't even look at a computer screen for more than a week.

And to my precious nephew, who had to turn four without his Aunt Lala, I am so sorry I couldn't make it to your party. I hope it was wonderful and fantastic and everything you wanted it to be. You are such a big boy and no one will ever love you like I do. I promise I will do my best to be there for every one of your milestones but sometimes I have some hurdles I have to jump over to be there. Hugs and kisses to mommy and daddy. Lala loves you.