Whenever I have a bad day, or even an unlucky string of them, I often think back to a Sesame Street book I remember reading when I was a child. Grover's Bad, Awful Day is a book about how things in Grover's world went from bad to worse to truly awful in the eyes of a child. I can really relate to that right now. As an adult I no longer get too bent out of shape when I spill my milk or leave my lunch at home. The things that get me down are no longer the problems of little monsters. I have adult size problems now that require more than my Mommy and a little ice cream to help me figure them out.
It has been so hard lately not to get discouraged at the lack of progress I seem to be making. If anything I feel like with every step forward I make, I take two steps back. This week alone I had a debilitating migraine, killer chest pain, nearly unbearable right pain side, and two seizures. I have had to face the facts that even if my heart is in the right place, I can't do everything on my own.
I realized that I am still just so angry. Not in a "Why me?" kind of way, but more in an "I don't understand" kind of way. I don't understand why I can't just hop back on where I left off. I don't understand what I'm supposed to do now. I don't understand how I'm supposed to fix this. I don't understand why my case is so special that no one can figure it out. I can't figure out how best to make myself understood.
The only solution to my problems has been to let go. I don't have the luxury of being too proud to accept help. It's ok to let people in and let them do things for me and for my family. They wouldn't offer if they didn't want to do it. I offer to help all the time because I truly want to be of assistance. Why should I feel so skeptical of others? I need to accept my limitations and move on. No big deal, right? (I say that, but it is still a big deal)
So maybe my bad, awful days aren't as bleak as I imagine. I have family and friends to help me through, if only I will let them. Bad days are good if for nothing else but to make the rest of the days look good by comparison.
